In the Beginning there was…Art
Octo Winds, Banner Art Digital Art, 2023.
Before I decided to become an artist, I really had no idea what to expect. A lot of people were naysayers and told me straight up not to do it. That an artist makes no money and I was setting myself up for failure. My naive little 21-year old brain and ego was never in it for the money. All I knew how to do in life was to follow my heart and take some risks. Like many people I was born with the ability to draw, for real. I can almost remember being around 3 years old and picking up my first pencil and sketching on a paper and even my walls. I was able to draw as well as any little toddler could. The only difference was that I didn’t really stop sketching. My mom was disciplined and patient in teaching me how to read and write English at a very young age. She noticed my patience and ability to concentrate while spending hours reading and looking at pictures. My Dad always provided materials and supplies. Encyclopedias were my favourite types of books, I particularly loved zoology and history. I was also a normal kid and loved characters and cartoons. Thundercats, Ninja Turtles, and Power Rangers were very impactful on me, my brother and cousins; mind you this was 1993-1996. Oh yeah, if you read the bio you know, but if not, I was born in Karachi, Pakistan in the great year of 1989. After my brother was born my family only lived there from 1989-1996, shortly after I turned 7 years old we bounced out for a better life in Canada. It isn’t uncommon, but unusual that we were Catholic born in an Islamic nation, speaking English, Urdu/Hindi. Life wasn’t terrible, but it wasn’t easy. I was born knowing what it meant to be a religious minority (although it didn't really feel that way for me) - it was a strange feeling and concept. Circa 1996, we land in Brampton, Ontario, Canada. Karachi to Brampton, just like that. We stopped over in Dubai and Frankfurt before touching down. Most of the summer of 1996 I was kicking it and drawing where ever I felt like it. As far as I know, none of my early drawings survive (ages 3-10), but I’ve managed to keep my drawings from 11 years old and onward.
Image 1) is from 2008-2009 (18yrs), I recall starting the drawing around 5 a.m. in my mom’s Meadowvale, Mississauga home. I didn't title art back then, but I think it was called “Annilhilation”. This era was one of the most turbulent in my life, my family moved around a lot, and I had no sense of identity, security or structure. It is a self-portrait of my younger self from grade 7 referenced from a photograph(‘02-’03 : 12yrs).
In grade 2 I was sketching animals in class and would give it to the girls lol, that’s right. Honestly, right from the get go I was known as the artist kid, but throughout the years in elementary school and high school I never really thought to take art seriously. You know how those child actors who know from the beginning this is what they want to do ? In a way, I admire that commitment. To have the will power and knowledge to pursue something like a creative career at a young age is a different type of awareness and gift. My childhood and upbringing wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows. After my parents divorced, things definitely shifted in a dissonant way. Personally, I am not naturally very emotional, I used to process and bury emotions, I think it’s called repression. Like many South Asians, and Asian culture in general, people do not talk about their emotions or express their traumas. South Asian families and parents also aren’t suppose to get divorced. So that was another layer of cultural stigma that I was hyper-aware of at a young age. I was never really a trouble maker, but the spirit of independence was always in me. I always felt different, and eventually knew that I was.
In many ways, if I could go back in time, I wouldn't change much about the difficulties of life. Why? Perhaps the little victories and the courage to do something different like become an artist will always be worth the troubles. It is the trauma and conflicts that allows us as people to evolve, grow, transmute and change our experiences into something else that we can then share. Everyone has their own journey to coming to terms with this reality and their abilities. Not all artists are so lucky to find themselves in the shadows. Some get lost in themselves or by the world. This reminder alone is enough to humble and ground me on a daily basis. Even as I write this, life feels almost perfect(it is not), but I am nervous/excited to publish, and that means something. There is almost a sense of providence; a higher power involved, that pushes me forward. Don’t get me wrong, there were plenty of times that I wanted to give up on the notion of having a creative “career”. I definitely considered throwing it all away for a regular income. Working in a distribution centre(warehouse) or even at a grocery store would have been decent enough if the income was consistent and survival wasn’t an issue. However, that inner voice, which I think comes from the heart and the mind, could never be satisfied with a lifestyle that wasn’t based on my passions. That voice is very strong within me and has always kept me out of trouble. From childhood into adult hood, I could always feel whenever I ignored that voice and things wouldn’t pan out the way I wanted.
After high school, circa 2007, I didn’t actually graduate with my class, I failed a few courses and was ineligible, that really hurt, but I did it to myself. The end of high school and the 3 years that followed were the most fun, but internally the lowest I have ever been in my life. Again, I never knew I could study art as a passion and career, so in high school I never enrolled in a single art class, but I have vivid memories of walking down the art hall way and being in awe of the art work. I even stumbled into the art class and met the teacher, but still never thought to enrol. Really, I had no guidance or anyone to tell me to pursue it. Obviously, my inner voice was not as developed as yet. Believe it or not, when I finally managed to get my credits from night school in Mississauga, I was desperate to enrol in a university, but none of them would accept me.
Image 2) The Title Page/ Book Cover of The Anatomy Coloring Book. This cover had me hooked in an instant. I was so pumped to get it from the school store.
Image 3) Page 59 of The Anatomy Coloring Book from 2009-2010 when I was in George Brown College Casa Loma. I think I coloured around 10-20 pages of this book.
Finally, out of sheer luck, I got accepted into George Brown College Casa Loma’s Fitness and Lifestyle management program. This intensive course was meant as a precursor to Kinesiology (if we had great grades, and I did not). From 2009 to 2011 I struggled every day to make it to class on time. My lifestyle definitely needed management. Commuting from Mississauga and then Milton to downtown Toronto Mon-Fri for a 19 year old me was miserable. I was miserable and what felt like in a state of depression. Still, even in the darkness the glimmer of light was visible, because it was in this program that I rekindled my love and passion for art. There was an amazing textbook which I have still have to this day called, “The Anatomy Colouring Book“ - literally an adult medical colouring book. This book basically changed my life. I never tried so hard to colour and memorize all the muscles and bones in my life. My peers noticed that I spent way too much time colouring in the lines and when I wasn’t obsessing with this book I was doodling and sketching all the time. Finally, after skipping a few classes a bunch of my classmates started to encourage me to reconsider my enrolment and research art schools in Ontario - clearly they saw something in me that I was missing. At the same time, another sign in the form of my Auntie A came. She saw some of my drawings and she right away told me I was gifted and needed to nurture this gift. The 3rd sign was in memories of my grade 7 teacher, Ms Lyver, she had her issues, but she always encouraged me to pursue art. I perfectly recall her pulling me aside on the last day of school and telling me not to go to St. Thomas Aquinas in grade 9, but instead to enrol in Mayfield Secondary’s Visual Art program. If I have any regrets in my life, it would be not listening to Ms. Lyver’s advice. After that summer I totally forgot what she said and went on with grade 8 and went to Aquinas in grade 9. The 4th sign came from my oldest friend Jeff and the fact that he was enrolled in Sheridan College Oakville in their Advertising program. We were inseparable in those times, always hanging out, dreaming, playing music and being creative together. One evening I decided to join him at Sheridan and we walked through the A-Wing aka the Art sector of the college, and I was immediately blown away. I went home that September evening in 2011 and applied to the Art Fundamentals 8-month intensive certificate program for January 2012, and the rest is history.
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Keep up the creativity !
Gratian
- 12/09/24.
Paint Between the Lines
It all begins with an idea.
Overhead shot of our table at Libri Liberi Cafe in Florence, Italy 2024. Sketchbooks of Emily Elise Illustrator and Gratian Art
Welcome to “Paint Between the Lines” !
A blog all about the ups and downs as an artist living in the city of Toronto in 2024/2025.
As with all great things, its taken a long time to get this up and running. The constant juggling of all the art opportunities, working part-time and living in the wild wild north city of Toronto makes it difficult to focus on singular tasks. Although I write personally around 3-4 times a week, it is never for public consumption.
Still, it has always been a side-dream to be a writer/poet/novelist - blogger ? Not so much, but now I finally see the potential and fun of it all. Really, all the power is my hands to do whatever I want with it, and do everything I want with it I shall !
Thank you in advance for joining me on this adventure. I am excited to share photographs, drawings, paintings, sketchbook pages, events, travels and more. I’ve been doing this art thing since 2012, but it is only in Nov 2024 that I truly feel like things are just getting started.
Your attention means the world. If you are reading this, thank you so much !
-Gratian
11/27/24.
Terra e Fuego, hybrid traditional and digital painting, 2024